the unexpected

Today has been full of the unexpected.  Nothing has gone to plan.  I could whine and complain.  I could be angry and frustrated.  Instead, I have laughed at myself a lot, figured out how to do what I need to do.  But there is always bread dough.  It is calming to make and in the end, there is food for people.  Especially boys.  What more can you ask for?

Due to boyos asking for cinnamon rolls about twice a month, if not every time I bake bread, my laminating skills are getting better.  There is no fear attached to the process anymore.  I do not wonder if I am doing it incorrectly or not.  I know the rolls will be light and tasty when I am done so why worry?

I am even going as far as just making a bit of a larger batch of bread for the rolls.  Sometimes I just make the loaf smaller.  

I use tools that other people would think is not the right tool for the job.  But my Japanese noodle knife is perfect for cutting cinnamon rolls.  It was made to cut noodles which is just dough.  You could think of cinnamon rolls as very wide noodles.

In the end, the cinnamon rolls are ready to bake.  I am a little bit calmer deep in my soul.  And the boyos are happy.  I am thinking about trying this with kouign amman tomorrow.  The simple French style bread I have been making is what is rising.  I made the batch just a bit larger then normal to try just that.  Laminations with butter and sugar to see what happens.

If you do not expermint.  If you do not try something new.  What is the point?

dye

Movement was pitiful last week.  But I am moving now.  I even pulled silk out of dye pots.  The silk on the left in the picture is alkanet with iron and the right piece is avocado.  It has been raining since Saturday so I should not be surprised they are hanging in the rain currently.  Maybe the will dry soon so I will know what they will actually look like?  Especially after I wash them.  I find that changes the colors.

This is the washed piece of silk dyed with alkanet.  It is a very soft pink.  A grey pink?  I would say somewhere between pink and lavender.  It is always interesting how a piece of fabric comes out of the pot.  I was reading a dyer's writings about how no piece of fabric is every quite the same.  I would have to say that is very true.  She does much more dramatic things then I do.  She will even dump bundles of fabric in the ocean.  I wish.  

Yes, there is science here.  There is the use of acid and base.  Temperatures.  But plants are not the same across years and across a field.  Maybe I should say that the other way around.  Plants are not the same across a field let alone across years.  Each time a piece of fabric goes into the pot, it will be a discovery when the fabric comes out.

For me it is like baking bread.  Every time I make bread, there is something lovely to eat.  But that does not mean it is exactly the same or the process is the same.  Similar but not identical.  

Life is interesting.

stripes

When we went to Tennessee for PawPaw's funeral in March, I took the brown yarn in the pictured shawl with me.  I had to be able to keep my hands busy.  I was also trying a slightly different way to make my forever shawls.  What I realized on that trip was that I did not have enough of the brown yarn to make a shawl the size I wanted.  When we got back, I took it out.

I had another fleece that I had spun.  The fleece had been dyed.  There was a lot of variation across the fleece so the yarn was a range of blues to greens.  

After the making the earth, ocean, sky shawl, I started this one.  It will go into my shop, both here and on Etsy.  I seem to being drawn to stripes and this gives me a chance to create while sitting.  The weather here has the potential to be extreme this week.  The afternoon thunderstorms are not just due to humidity and heat but a larger weather system.  There is pain so sitting is good.  Not standing.  

I have another shawl I am working on as well.  It is going to be solid and soft.  I will embroider flowers on it to add color.  Maybe tassels?  It is fun.  And I can keep creating.

needs more work

The experimentation for Saturday came out of the oven.  I think it needs more work.  I think I might leave the buckwheat flour out of it next time.  It adds a bitterness that is not coming from the cocoa.  The flavor of the buckwheat and cocoa combined overwhelm the cherries and pecans.  I need to go down this road some more.  It is like having cake but not having cake.  Especially right out of the oven which is when the boyos cut into it.

The last two days I did basically nothing.  Coached.  Read.  Slept.  Watched some videos.  I have the feeling I may have worn myself out a bit.  I always have a list of things I would like to get to during the day.  It is usually longer then the day will allow so I have come to terms with that.  But I just keep running with it.  I am coaching tonight and I probably should not be if my energy levels are anything to go by.  Oh well.  I will make sure to do some hand work tomorrow.

It is hurricane season.  And we may have some weather this coming weekend.  It does not look like it will be a storm but there was some talk of that for awhile.  I am not still rebuilding.  I came out of it fairly unscathed.  There was a roof that needed to be repaired.  But I am having some anxiety.  A plane flew over the house quite low yesterday and I became stressed.  Time will help but I could see where the next storm I may wish to leave town.  Just trying to live within myself and not taking anything extra on.  It can be hard.

experimentation in dough

It has been an interesting week.  I actually felt like not getting on the computer.  Partially because I am in mid projects.  Partially because I have not had a lot of words.  I decided it is okay not to have words and I took a day off from my writing schedule.

I have been thinking about playing with a chocolate dough.  I follow a lot of bakers on Instagram and this type of bread comes up a lot on my feed.  I decided to play.  I felt the need to have my hands in dough.

I started with the most recent french style bread I wrote about.  Add a few different flours for depth of flavor and cocoa.  I am now waiting again!  And I am laughing. 

The bread will be baked sometime this afternoon or evening.  Late afternoon if afternoon.  The bread I make takes time.  Patience.  I was talking to a chef just about this on Monday.  I actually got an invite to work a stage with their bakery chef if I wish.  I told the chef he can always come here and I will work with him to make his bread better. 

I could give him my secrets for hummus as well.  Even though the restaurant he works as has one of the two best hummus' in the city, the boyos think mine is better.  But mine is not topped with braised lamb neck which they really liked.  I am going to have to figure that one out.  I have a butcher shop I will wander to some day soon.

Writing a bit about my Monday, it may come to know surprise that I am acquainted with people who knew Anthony Bourdain.  I did not know the man even though I admired his work.  I do know that his death has affected a community larger then the professional chefs and foodies. 

I have dealt with depression.  I know the reasons behind it but that does not always make it easier.  I have no good advice to anyone in the talons of depression or who wants to help.  I find people wish to be seen.  That smile.  That word can make a difference.  A cup of tea brought to them.  A bowl soup.  A bit of bread.  Obviously I feed people.  But I have noticed when I am out and about that saying Good Morning or hello makes a difference.  When I have fallen, it is the homeless man on the corner who I say hello to who picked me up.  Not the office workers.  I saw him.  I acknowledged him.  This may not be enough stop someone you love to not harm themselves.  But it may be enough for when they decide they need help they can reach to you.  And they will know they are seen.  They are loved.